The biggest predictor of happiness in a relationship may not be what you think

In an article for Psychology Today, psychotherapist Douglas LaPierre Talk about what dictates happiness in a relationship. Assigning text to resultsstudy Which included more than 11,000 couples‘, about some interesting (and somewhat unexpected) findings.

After all, why do some seemingly promising relationships fade over time (and vice versa)? From theories about the individual characteristics of each member of the couple to the way they communicate or resolve disagreements, a lot has already been discussed on this topic. Now, new data appears.

According to the above study, the biggest predictor of happiness, romantic intimacy, and connection in a relationship is something very basic but often overlooked:The type of relationship a couple has over timeDouglas writes. And what does this mean? Basically, it comes down to the fact that a file Quality The built relationship goes beyond personal characteristics.

Study, from Western University in Canada,”It suggests that the person we choose is not as important as the relationship we build‘ says author Samantha Joel.The dynamic you build with someone—shared norms, private jokes, shared experiences—is much more than the individuals who are part of the relationship.‘, she says.

The study identified some general traits of happy relationships:

• Mutual sense of obligation and responsiveness to needs (“I know he’s there for me)
• The level of mutual satisfaction with sexual life
• feeling that the other is satisfied with the relationship; Low level of conflict

Now, although the study failed to show how couples construct this dynamic, research over time can help us get an idea.

• Willingness to set aside personal interests and knowing when to put a partner’s needs before our own
• Feeling valued and appreciated by the partner
• When, in moments of extreme stress, the partner feels understood and heard – not only through words, but through gestures that show sympathy

Deep down, there is no “big secret”. We just have to realize that no one – not even us – is perfect, that we are not always right and that a relationship doesn’t work without respect, altruism, empathy, and of course a lot of love.